Bad Breath from the Core

One of my girlfriends called me yesterday to tell me about the rancid death breath of a very cute guy (who actually had a car!) she had recently started dating. "Why JR??? Whhhhhyyyy?" she moaned to me on the phone.

We had a good laugh about the stench and then I got down to business. I asked if she'd noted if he had the obvious signs of good oral hygiene and she thought I only meant teeth brushing. I gave her some bathroom snooping pointers.

How to tell if you are dating someone with good oral hygiene?

When alone in his bathroom take a peak in his drawers. Is floss easily located? Does he have a back up tooth brush? Does he still have his retainers from high school? A night guard? Does he look like he uses them? And while you're in there look at his prescription bottles for good measure. If you see acyclovir or valtrex call me up and we will have another earthy chat. Anyway, back to the halitosis of the moment. If lover boy is brushing and flossing, his problem is probably coming from within. We must move on to the other possible odor sources:

His Diet.

Fish Breath

If his breath is fishy and his tongue is kind of cold and soft in your mouth when he lovingly kisses you....two minute break for dry heaving.... then your boy may be eating too much dairy or even sushi. Yes, I know everyone thinks sushi is sooo healthy. I'm not saying it is bad for you but all of that cold, uncooked fish kind of reminds you of his breath, right? Also, he might be a raw juicer which is fine in moderation, but after awhile may put out the heat needed in the stomach to properly digest food.

Trash Breath

This is the other option that I have experienced. His breath is just gross and you can't quite put your finger or taste bud on it(ew). Does he eat a lot of spicy food? Does he just have a poor diet? Or is he a mouth breather? I don't do the mouth breathers. When you wake up in the morning next to them there is saliva scum in the corners of their mouths. Plus, it gives them the worst morning breath, essentially poop breath.

Another source might be his tonsils. He could have old pockets of pus from tonsillitis or strep throat.

What are his options?

a. change his diet

b. brush/floss more often

c. chew mint leaves-most mouth washes aren't good for you anyway

d. gargle salt water in case of tonsil infection

e. see an alternative medical doctor to address his health

f. sineaid for his stuff nose

g. if the sineaid doesn't work send him out for a septoplasty

The Truth

Now the tricky part. How to tell him he stinks. This is really challenging. It's like telling someone they're fat. Decide if you really want to be with him. If you do, be gentle. Invite him over for dinner. Open a bottle of white wine. I feel like white, not red, might leave his breath less potent. Pour two glasses. Once you are on your second glass get cuddley with him. After first kissing say something like "baby, your breath smells a little funny". Don't tell him it's gross or get too detailed about how bad it is. That would just be humiliating. He may take note of this and make more effort later. Maybe two days later if it still smells bring it up again. Make it seem like it isn't all the time and express your over all desire for him, and that you want to go with him to the health food store/herbalist/dentist/dr.90210 or wherever he decides to go.

Hope this helped!

xx,

JR

Last weekend I went to the Whitney and saw the Georgia O'Keefe exhibit and had über expensive decadent $8 hot chocolate at Maison du Chocolat. What did you do?